Dutch Irish Beauty
by CabooseHeart
Summary: In an alternate universe, Simmons is a girl, and struggles desperately to keep this a secret from her teammates, but when things keep going wrong and her resolve crumbles, she'll have to trust Donut to keep a secret... we all know how well THAT can end. Fem!Simmons AU.


**Dutch Irish Beauty**

**Pairing: Fem!Simmons/Grif (Hinted)**

**Description: In an alternate universe, Simmons is a girl, and struggles desperately to keep this a secret from her teammates, but when things keep going wrong and her resolve crumbles, she'll have to trust Donut to keep a secret... we all know how well THAT can end.**

**A/N: Originally posted on my AO3 account as Supercasey. Please R&amp;R!**

* * *

The heat in Blood Gulch made everything feel like a sauna as Grif and Simmons were once again paired for patrol, leaving the two to talk aimlessly seeing as there were no threats to be seen on the lazy Sunday afternoon. Simmons was sitting in the grass, messing with a few blades of grass while Grif simply sat on his rear under a tree, arms behind his head as he slept soundly. Simmons looked at Grif a few times, trying to decide if it was worth the risk. Shrugging, she threw off her helmet and set it aside as she took a deep breath of the dry and pretty stale air, but it was far better than processed oxygen coming from inside of her stuffy helmet. She untied the ponytail supporting her long, orange hair before it came down to her lower back, all tangled and curly, as it had been since she could remember.

Simmons smiled as her light green eyes took in the area around herself, lucky to finally have a few minutes at the very least to be who she was, a woman. She had originally opted for joining the military as a girl, but she was worried that her father would've found her and dragged her sorry ass back to Ireland, maybe even force her to marry some rich guy that she wouldn't be able to possibly stand. She stared at the clear, blue sky that showed the color of baby blue, she laid out on the grass, allowing the breeze to blow by. Suddenly, she heard Grif stir. Jumping up, Simmons threw on her helmet after tying back up her hair and turned back on the small chip in her helmet that changed her voice to match a mans rather than a woman's voice like her own. It helped keep her gender a secret.

Not that Simmons didn't trust her leader or her teammates to keep it all a secret, she really did, but she still didn't trust Command to not arrest her for lying about who she was. She had changed her name to Richard Simmons for registration into the military, while her real name was Rachael Simmons, not a major change, but a change nonetheless. Suddenly, there was a noise, panicking, Simmons threw on her helmet in a flash. She sighed a breath of utter relief before Grif began to stir, thankfully not seeing her without her helmet. Even if he had, she could've maybe said that she simply grew her hair out, but she really didn't want to be called a homosexual like Donut. Speaking of Donut, the pink soldier suddenly ran over to Simmons and Grif, breathing hard as he bounded over the hills towards them. Out of all of her comrades, Simmons probably trusted Donut the most to tell about her secret, yet she still hadn't.

But that was about to change.

"Grif! Simmons! Sarge said you guys gotta get to the base, stat!" Donut yelled, nearly collapsing seeing as he ran across the entire canyon to get to the two soldiers. "I'm not sure whats up, but Sarge really wants to talk to you two."

Grif sighed beside Simmons, standing to full height, which was about a foot and a half taller than Simmons. "Whatever, come on, Simmons." He said, slowly making his way towards Red Base. "The faster we do whatever the fuck Sarge wants, the faster I can go back to sleeping."

"You're such a lazy bitch." Simmons said, smiling under her helmet as her voice melded to that of a mans. There was an almost thrill like feeling Simmons got whenever she got away with talking in that voice, it meant she was still hidden from her enemies, not that Grif was her enemy.

"Well, you're Sarge's bitch." Grif replied, still walking towards Red Base.

Simmons stifled a hard sigh as she followed after Grif, yeah, she had to hand that to him, she sort of was Sarge's bitch it seemed like. She did exactly what Sarge said only because she couldn't afford to be noticed as different or untrustworthy, also, the man reminded Simmons somewhat of her father, or really, a father like figure, and for once in her life, she really felt like she had a chance at having a father or at least proving herself to some kind of upper male figure in her life. But Simmons didn't say that, she simply shrugged it off and kept running towards Red Base, already ahead of Grif as she headed there. Don't be late, don't talk back, follow orders, keep your identity a secret. Those were the guidelines that Simmons worried about these days, and what kept her going each and every day.

As soon as Simmons arrived, she headed into the large base, passing by several rooms until she finally found the conference room Sarge was in. He wasn't wearing his helmet, allowing Simmons a full view of his face. he looked older than he should, with greying white hair and age spots on his face, while a long, deep scar traveled from his left ear to below his chin, obviously a war wound from back in the day. He was just a bit shorter than Grif, which in no way surprised Simmons seeing as Sarge was shorter than most people, while Grif was the average size for men from his Hawaii. Lopez was there too, without his helmet as well to show his artificial hair, eyes and face in general. He had dark, brown hair and light brown eyes that had red retinas. It made Simmons feel out of place with her helmet on, but she didn't dare take it off. Not now, not ever.

"Glad to see you made it, Simmons. And here I was worried that those dirty Blues got my right hand man!" Sarge said, smirking slightly, which made the scar stretch just a bit. Simmons briefly wondered if it hurt to smile or smirk like that. "Now then, where's that dirtbag Grif off to?"

"I'm coming, dammit, just shut up for one minute!" Came Grif's voice as he entered behind Donut, both throwing off their helmets.

Grif had short, light brown hair and light green eyes, but had slightly darker skin thanks to his Hawaiian heritage as he had mentioned once or twice to Simmons and the rest of the Red Team. He was a bit more chubby in the face, and had a slight stubble going for him, but neither of those things could bother Simmons seeing as she had seen much worse growing up in Ireland and working as a waitress at her fathers pub. Donut looked far younger, seeing as he was just out of his rookie stage, and had strawberry blonde hair with bright blue eyes that shined with innocence and wonder, far different than most people in the army. He had a more heart shaped face and was without any facial hair, his hair though, to Simmons utter surprise, was a Mohawk that the kid had apparently worked hard on growing.

"You gonna stand there and stare at me or are you gonna take off your helmet too, Simmons?" Grif asked as he took a seat, looking ready to fall asleep at any moment. "Come on, we can't start the meeting unless everyone's ready."

"Oh." Was the only reply Simmons could come up with as she stood there, all eyes of different colors on her, watching her for any signs of removing the helmet. She had forgotten about the new rule saying that everyone had to take off their helmets at meetings to make sure they didn't fall asleep during them (Thanks alot, Grif). "Well, um, I'm not exactly comfortable with taking off my helmet in front of you all." She said, tapping her feet occasionally out of discomfort.

Sarge didn't look amused. "No one asked if you were comfortable with it, soldier. I am ordering you to remove your helmet at once!" He said, glaring daggers into Simmons with his icy blue eyes that shined with anger and aged fatigue.

Simmons started to feel herself sweating a bit, unconsciously backing away a few steps. "I-I can't, sir." She stuttered out. It felt too much like being back in school again for her, everyone would tease her and call her names because she was so nervous and would stutter every time she was called upon to talk to the class for any presentations or projects.

"Private Richard Simmons, that was a direct order from your commanding officer! Now, I order you to remove your helmet pronto!" Sarge yelled, standing at full height as he loomed over the much shorter of the two.

It was dead quiet, no one had ever seen Simmons put up a fight with Sarge about anything, meaning it must've been something serious going on, but no one really had the guts built up just yet to stand up and say something on Simmons behalf, they could only watch as Simmons trembled under Sarge's glare. It felt too much like it did when Simmons was a little girl, being yelled at and beaten by her father growing up. He had always been drunk, and always took out his built up anger and hatred on his only child, Rachael. The memories of the beatings and drunken yelling flashed before Simmons as she started to fall into a panic attack, she could hardly move or breathe. Finally, she ran out of the room sobbing, she couldn't face Sarge like this, not in this state of helplessness.

"I'm sorry!" She screamed over her shoulder in a high pitched voice that she almost certain had come out in her shrill, female voice.

She could hear an argument behind her going on, but she didn't care, she just kept running. Simmons blasted through the door of the room she and Grif all shared, throwing herself onto her bunk and slamming her head into her lumpy pillow, sobbing her eyes out as she had thrown her helmet aside as soon as she had gotten the door open. She didn't care in that state if someone came in and found out that she was a girl, all she wanted was to be alone with her feeling and away from Sarge, who was bringing back too many bad memories of the past. Suddenly, the door creaked open before light footsteps entered and shut the door behind them. She kept silent, glad that she had thrown the blankets over herself to hide her hair and weeping face. She hoped whoever was there would just go away, she didn't need Sarge's orders or Grif's sarcasm, she needed space away from her teammates.

"Simmons?" Donut asked, his voice tender and filled with concern for the woman. "You alright, no ones mad at you... okay, Sarge might be a bit mad at you still, but maybe Grif will make him more mad at himself by the time we go back." He said, he was trying to be helpful, but it wasn't exactly helping.

"I'm not going back in there!" Simmons blurted out, whimpering silently as she slapped a hand over her mouth, realizing what she had just done.

"Simmons, what's with your voice?" Donut asked, coming closer until he was standing over the bed, Simmons could just barely make out from the cracks in the covers that Donut had both of his hands on his hips, like a concerned mother... well, what Simmons IMAGINED was like a concerned mother, seeing as she didn't remember hers. "You sound almost like a girl or something."

Simmons struggled to find an answer to the rookies words. "Um... I'm just a bit sick is all." She lied, hoping to god that Donut was still terrible at telling and understanding lies properly, especially at that moment.

Donut seemed to brighten. "Is that it? Oh, don't worry, Simmons. I don't mind!" He grasped the blankets, tugging them off with his eyes still shut. "You can come out, no need to be nervous at all!"

Everything seemed to slow down as Simmons stared back up at Donut, who was now very much aware of the woman's long, orange hair and light green eyes. No one moved for the longest time, until, of course, Donut began to laugh. "Oh MAN, I totally should've seen this coming, Simmons. Back in high school, tons of girls snuck into the boys locker room dressed as guys, but I was always the only one to see they were girls, seeing as I know when I've locked eyes with a stunning man or not."

"Wait," Simmons began, looking terrified as she stared up at Donut. "You... you're not mad that I hid this from you all, that I lied and pretended to be a boy?" She asked, staring deep into those bright blue eyes belonging to Donut for an answer.

"I admit, I'm surprised that I didn't notice sooner, but I'm not one to judge. I'm sure its for a good reason, right?" Donut asked, smiling as he took a seat next to Simmons on the cot. "Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be okay in the end, everything always ends well some way or another around here."

Simmons sighed, running her hands through her hair as she looked away, not brave enough to look her comrade in the eyes. "Well... I think I already explained that I grew up in Ireland, I worked at my fathers drinking pub. I was a waitress, and always got harassed by the drunks and freaks that came in there, so, I ran away after my father threatened to make me drop out of college and marry some rich guy he knew. I changed my first name, hopped onto the nearest ship off of earth and ran away from my family." She explained.

Donut nodded and smiled before placing a hand on Simmons shoulder. "I get it, I guess. I never grew up like that, I grew up on a farm in Iowa with my lesbian moms. I only joined the army 'cause I figured it was the way to go after high school." He admitted.

Simmons nodded, smiling widely before practically glomping her friend and teammate. "Thanks so much for understanding, Donut! Promise me you won't tell anyone?"

"I promise!" Donut said, shaking Simmons hand before standing to full height, stretching out his back as he did so. "Well, I'm gonna tell Sarge that your aunt died so that he won't make you come back to the meeting, and for future reference, try not to run out of the room without warning."

Simmons chuckled nervously. "Heh heh... I'll try to remember that, Donut." She said, waving goodbye as Donut left the room.

Did Simmons feel less depressed now? Yes. Did Simmons trust Donut to keep his big mouth shut? No, not in a million years.

* * *

"Wait, so you're saying Simmons is a girl!?" Grif asked, looking completely shocked as he stared at Donut.

Grif had seen alot in his life, he had seen his mother run away to the circus, seen his sister kicked off the cheer-leading team a dozen times, seen Donut throw a baseball so hard it gave Sarge a concussion, and even seen a member of the Blue Team return to life as a ghost or whatever the heck he was. He never, in his entire time in Blood Gulch, had seen Donut reveal that Simmons was a girl, nor had he ever predicted such an outcome. Sure, he had teased Simmons on how girly he was, brushing it off as his best friend being a homosexual, but no, he never imagined Simmons to be a girl.

"Where's the damn proof?" Sarge asked, glaring at Donut with his arms crossed sternly. "And how in Sam Hell would we have not known by now?"

"I'm telling you all, Simmons hid her voice using some technology or whatever in her helmet and never took it off. I'm no expert on Simmonsology, but I think she's struggling right now. I'm only telling you 'cause you all have a right to know before anyone decides that we should all shower together... not that I'm objecting to that idea." Donut said, looking a bit exasperated by the days events. "Here, I've got an idea! Grif will tell Simmons that he's sleeping in my room tonight for a TV marathon, and we'll all go sneak into her room and take off her helmet while she's sleeping!"

Grif raised an eyebrow. "Look, Donut, I get that you're a bit gay-"

"Am NOT!" Donut insisted.

"-But like Sarge was saying earlier, there's no proof that we should even believe you in the first place! I mean, come on, even I would've noticed if Simmons was a girl by now." Grif explained as he downed a bag of potato chips.

Sarge rolled his ice colored eyes. "The only thing you ever notice is where the best shade is for yer nappin'!" He yelled, glaring at the younger man.

Grif seemed unaffected. "Whatever, when our base is taken over by zombies and you have nowhere to rest in peace, you'll be sorry." He said calmly.

"Please guys, you gotta trust me on this, I'm telling the truth!" Donut insisted further, glaring at his team. "Besides, even if I'm wrong, what else would explain Simmons being so upset?" He asked his friends.

"Maybe he realized he's got nothing to live for other than kissing Sarge's ass?" Grif suggested from the sidelines.

Donut looked doubtful. "Well, we'll never find out unless we give it a try! Come on, guys! This'll be fun, it's like a spy movie, we can even pretend we're invisible."

Sarge growled. "If that means yer taking off yer clothes again, than god no. But... well, Simmons is my best soldier, and I can't be depending on anyone else if he's really freaking out. I swear, its those dirty blues, using some kind of brain magic to make our dear friend emotionally disturbed!" He exclaimed, leaving the room as he continued rambling about attacking Blue Team later.

"Whatever gets you in Simmons bedroom!" Donut said as he skipped away, content that his team might actually be listening to what he had to say for once.

"I swear... why doesn't Blue Team ever have to deal with this shit?" Grif asked aloud as he continued chewing on some Oreos.

* * *

It was around 12:43 in Blood Gulch when Sarge, Grif, Lopez and Donut all made their way through the base, looking all around as they tried to keep quiet in fear of alerting Simmons of their plans. Grif was clad in an orange T-shirt and white pajama pants with Hawaiian flowers printed all over them. Lopez was still in armor, not bothering to dress in anything else. Donut was in a pink, frilly nightgown with long sleeves, the gown went all the way to his ankles. Sarge was without a shirt, exposing his bare chest while he wore red pajama pants, he had his shotgun in hand, locked and loaded for danger.

"Ow, Grif, that's my foot!" Donut squeaked as Grif accidentally stepped on his foot in the narrow hallway leading to the bedrooms of Red Base.

"Shut up, its small as dicks in here!" Grif argued as he tried to squeeze past everyone crowding the narrow passage, at once, everyone shushed the orange soldier for his outburst.

Sarge growled under his breath as he tiptoed in front of his team, leading the way. "Steady, boys. Who knows what danger could be afoot in the dead of night, when striking the enemy is best!"

"I thought it was at dawn or dusk that attacking the enemy was best." Donut said, easing his way through the hallway until they all stood in front of the room Simmons was asleep in. "Whelp, here we go. Mission Helmet Hacker is in action!" He exclaimed, slowly opening the door as he very quietly hummed some kind of spy music theme.

Grif rolled his eyes, shoving Donut out of the way as he walked right up to the cot where Simmons was asleep on. "Now, to prove once and for all that Simmons is so not a girl!" He yelled, ignoring his teams warnings as he clicked off Simmons helmet lock and yanked it off.

"Oh, Dios mío." Was all Lopez could process as he stared down at Simmons, robotic eyes scanning through the possibilities of Lopez having known this and just never realized it before this very moment. ("Oh my god.")

Everything was silent.

No one moved as Simmons yawned, not the kind of yawn they were all used to, but a feminine yawn that would belong to a young girl or woman. Simmons sat up, stretching as her long, orange hair flowed down and over her back seeing as it was untied and open to roam free. Her light green eyes slowly blinked awake. Confused by the coolness of the room around her head, Simmons stared around, only for her eyes to land on Grif, who was completely shocked in his appearance and still griping Simmons helmet in his clammy hands.

"Um... surprise?" Donut offered, looking extremely nervous as Simmons simply sat there, looking astonished.

There was a beat. Then, well... all Hell broke loose.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE A WOMAN!?" Grif screamed, tossing the helmet across the room as he stared at Simmons with impossibly big eyes. "HOLY SHIT, I-I-I-"

"How had I not seen the signs?" Sarge asked himself, clearly disappointed in his lack of knowledge on his soldiers. "And here I was thinking you were short because you were fucking Irish."

"Estoy tan jodidamente confundido." Lopez muttered, turning away and leaving the room. ("I'm so fucking confused right now.")

Donut was quiet, simply watching seeing as he had already known about Simmons gender since a few hours prior. "Um... how about we all get some hot cocoa and talk, like, as adults or whatever... that's what people do in these situations, right? Drinking something warm and comforting before talking about our problems?" He questioned.

"That's a... good idea, Donut... come on, lets go." Sarge said, leading his team out of the room before he stopped, turning to face Simmons. "Dress in something else, madame." He ordered before leaving off with one last note: "You shouldn't sleep in yer armor, s'bad for you."

* * *

The kitchen of Red Base was very quiet as Lopez was off in the corner of the room behind the counter, apparently recovering from so many human emotions messing with his frame of his robotic mind. Donut was at the table, occasionally pouring in just a bit more milk or sugar into his cocoa as he sat in one of the many side chairs around the old, wooden table that was used for breakfast, lunch, dinner and coffee breaks. Grif was off to the side, leaning on the wall as he held his cocoa cup in his hands, untouched despite his usual need for sugar and chocolate related foods, his mind seemingly else where than where it usually was housed. Sarge sat beside Donut, now with a dark red T-shirt to cover his chest, occasionally sipping at his coffee (He had opted for that instead of cocoa), but mostly his eyes only wandered around the room, looking anywhere but at Simmons.

The woman in question was obviously the most tense out of all of the group of soldiers, seeing as she refused to look up from her drink other than to glance occasionally at the viper themed clock that hung over the fridge of the kitchen area. She was wearing a maroon turtleneck sweater along with black sweatpants, not saying a single word before she adjusted her glasses that in no way hid her light green eyes. Her hair was up in a ponytail, looking awfully cute on the young lady but did very little to boost her moral as she faced the very people she had once sworn never to lie to as a soldier, but here she was, a liar in front of them. Finally, Simmons couldn't take the quiet anymore, slamming her cup onto the table furiously, only Grif and Donut jumped slightly while Sarge remained still, only showing a reaction by slightly raising his white eyebrows.

"Why are we just sitting here?" Simmons asked, her voice still sounding odd, even to her own ears seeing as she had grown so used to the voice of Richard Simmons and not Rachael Simmons. "I mean, look, I'm sorry that I lied to you. But... if I didn't, I was afraid you would tell the UNSC and let them take me away, back to Ireland. I can't go back, my father... he'll make me marry someone I hate, I just know it!" She explained, eyes wide with the built up worry that had plagued her for so very long.

Sarge stood up, stepping forward before he placed a gentle hand on Simmons shoulder. She hadn't felt human contact from others in a very long time thanks to trapping herself in her armor everyday of every week, she had forgotten how nice it was, how soothing it felt to feel bodily heat washing onto her own, pale skin. Sarge smelled like old tobacco, gasoline, cigarette smoke and pasta (That part was probably from dinner earlier). None of it bothered Simmons though, for a moment, it helped wash away alot of the harsh thoughts of home, of a mother she couldn't remember clearly, of an abusive father, or even of the bullies who had plagued her as a small child. For just this moment, Simmons felt safe, something she hadn't felt in a long time, even after leaving her horrible home life far behind herself, she still felt trapped and consumed by it all.

"We won't do that to ya, dear." Sarge promised, rubbing in small circles on the young womans shoulder. "No one is goin' nowhere, ya hear? From now on yer staying right where we want ya, right here in Blood Gulch Outpost 1. Now do yerself a favor and rest up, we got alot to do soon." He said, guiding Simmons gently by the arm to stand.

"Yeah," Grif agreed, smiling over at Simmons. "Who else is gonna help me skip out on work? Besides... I need by best bud to help around here, it can get pretty lonely you know. Also... who knows, maybe there'll be more good than bads out of this." He said, adding a Cheshire Cat grin at the end that made Simmons heart do a small back-flip.

Donut stepped up, hugging Simmons tightly. "About time we add a dash of feminine charm to our sausage fest!" He cheered.

"Donut, even if I'm a girl, that is still no way appealing." Simmons reminded Donut as she managed to untangle herself from the younger man. "If you don't mind, I'm going to bed. See ya'h in the morning I guess... bye." She said, running off in a hurry.

Sarge sighed, walking back to his room. "Whelp... this was an... eventful day."

"No kidding, I need my beauty sleep, night Grif!" Donut yelled, dashing off to his own bedroom.

Grif suddenly stopped, staring after Sarge with wide eyes. "Wait, since Simmons is a girl... shit, where the fuck do I sleep!?" He yelled after his sergeant, looking extremely concerned about this new turn of events.

"Get creative, dumbnuts." Sarge ordered as he closed his bedroom door from the bedroom hallways. "And quit yer shouting, some of us need to sleep!"

Grif sighed sadly, making his slow and awkward walk towards his bedroom... which he now realized he was sharing with a girl. As a few dirty images flashed through Grif's mind, he covered his mouth, a bit sickened yet extremely aroused by the thoughts. Shushing them away, he continued walking towards the bedroom, mind still boggling with thoughts on a certain Dutch Irish beauty living with him.

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**The End**

**A/N: Please R&amp;R, hope you enjoyed!**

**~CabooseHeart.**


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